if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
