just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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