We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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