I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just had sex on a roof
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
