And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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