A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
