I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
