my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
