Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
