so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
