did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
