Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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