We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
