he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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