I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
