I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm too high and old for this...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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