Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
