that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
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