i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
