alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
