Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
