Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
