Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
