Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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