We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
