it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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