...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You were trust falling into bushes
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
