Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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