he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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