I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
