speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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