What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize