I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
