Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize