My brain says no but my pants say off.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
