It's Friday. Sex?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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