just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
