mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
