So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
