How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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