....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize