We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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