By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
