And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm passing your future prison.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
