i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
