remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
