I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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