he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
