dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
