Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
