Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
