I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
