all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
