who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
nutella sex= disaster
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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