I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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