I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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