does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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