She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
