You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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