It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
