we have pet lesbian snakes
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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