the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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