in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
