I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
