at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
is it fun? or sober?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
