I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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