where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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