so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
